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In the first email of this Die with Zero series, I asked you to picture yourself ten years from now. You and your spouse have more saved than you'll ever need. Retirement is covered, with plenty left over.
Then I asked where you'd want that extra to go.
For a lot of people, the first thing that comes to mind is their kids.
Followed quickly by, "What if giving them more money spoils everything I taught them about earning it?"
That’s a great question, and you’re not alone in thinking that.
Money changes people.
But think about this:
Author Brené Brown spent decades studying parenting and resilience and came out with this thought. She says,
"Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting."
The work ethic you built in them wasn't a parenting technique. It was you, every day, for twenty-plus years. In reality, you probably aren’t worried about spoiling them; you’re worried about stalling their motivation to build their own financial future.
So, here's where we get practical. When it comes to your kids, Bill Perkins, the author of Die with Zero, puts it plainly:
"Whatever money you decide to give to your kids, you should probably give the money to them where it has a maximum impact in their life."
There's even a specific window he points to: your child’s mid-to-late 20s through their mid-30s.
That's when a gift tends to open doors instead of close them, and right now, that window matters more than ever.
In the 1980s, the typical first-time homebuyer was in their late 20s. Today, they're 40. A well-timed gift could help your kids buy their first home a decade sooner, so they can start building equity and memories that much earlier.
Gifting to your children might look like:
- A down payment for their first home.
- Help paying off student loans.
- A debt-free start to married life.
- Help build an emergency fund, so they’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck anymore.
- The capital to finally start their business.
- A real family vacation they’d never book for themselves.
When our kids were little, my in-laws called with a surprise offer. They said,
"We'll cover the house and the park tickets for Disney World. Just get yourselves there. You have an hour to decide."
I almost said no, but it turned out to be one of the best trips of our lives. We still talk about those memories today.
Regardless of the shape your gift takes, what matters is that it's given at the age when money can still change where someone's life goes, not just cushion where it already landed.
So let’s reframe the question. Instead of asking yourself, “Will this spoil my kids?” try asking,
"Am I giving this gift in a way that helps them build something?”
Before you write the check, there are a few things worth considering:
Step 1: Talk about it before you give it. Agree with your spouse on how much and why. Ask your child, "We're in a good place for retirement. What's coming up for you that we could help with?"
Then listen. Their answer will tell you a lot about where your help can do the most good.
Step 2: Decide the terms before the money moves. Decide whether it's a gift or a loan, a one-time thing or ongoing, and how you'll handle it with your other kids.
Whatever you decide, tell them plainly. For a gift, that might sound like: "This is a gift, and you don't owe us anything back." For a loan, spell out how and when it'll be repaid. For larger amounts, put it in writing and loop in your advisor so the tax side is handled correctly.
Step 3: Ask them to tell you how they used it, rather than telling them what it's for. You don't have to attach a purpose before you give. That can feel like a string attached.
Instead, ask them to come back and tell you what it made possible. That alone tends to turn a gift into something used with intention.
Impactful giving starts with a conversation, clear terms, and room for them to make it their own. It’s what turns a gift into something that actually changes their life.
Nice work, you’re one step closer to dying with zero, but your cup is still overflowing.
In the next email, we'll walk through another place your overflow can do good. It may be the only one that keeps making a difference decades after you're gone.
Until next time,
Tim
Tim Meisenheimer, CFP®, CFA
CEO, Streamline Financial
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